Detachment and Self-Love

The Truth:
I miss her more than I'd like to admit. I think of her more than I probably should. Detachment is a bitch and she is definitely biting my ass these days. I am fully, 100% committed to the process of "changing my mind." I am reprogramming myself to not escape into my dreams of a future family with her. I am exchanging my vision of tomorrow for a celebration of today. The present is dope and and truly inspiring. I will appreciate what God is sending me in this moment. My "pre-sent" is sent from God based on the choices I make as I "make up my mind." I choose to love myself enough to live in the NOW. I recognize that this choice will have to be made over and over again. I commit to this process and give thanks for it.

The Love:
I am redirecting my love for her into myself. I am sending myself love notes and treating myself as if I am the goddess I saw in her. So here is some love poetry for ME from ME.

Love After Love
by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
_______________________________________________

The next poem is one that makes me think of missing her. But when I long for her I often ignore and neglect me. So I will send this out to the parts of myself I send away (and miss dearly) when I dream of her. I can get no higher than when inhaling the longing for myself.

Poem # 3
by Sonia Sanchez

I gather up

each sound

you left behind

and stretch them

on our bed.

each nite

I breathe you

and become high.