Silence?

My uncle died.

We had his funeral last Thursday. Why have I been silent about it? I have kinda just kept moving like nothing happened. I was slightly overwhelmed with the car accident, black pride, a few moments of codependence, being overworked, avoiding news coverage of Katrina and an endless pursuit of a glimmer of happiness in these dark times. Over the brim of my new favorite hat, I can almost see the reality in which I want to live. But I choose to look down. I am avoiding his eyes staring back at me from memorial pictures of what was. I am avoiding death. Not only because I fear my own mortality, but also because I feel so fragile right now. I feel as thin as paper and I am afraid that if I lift my head and live in the reality that is right in front of my face, I will crumble and cease to exist.

Then sometimes the phone rings, and the universe kinda shakes me up a bit. At those times, I end up looking around a bit more than I plan to, thinking a bit more than I want, and moving just a bit further than I thought I was ready to.

I guess I will start talking more before it takes an earthquake to force me to be present.