Hiking

Today I learned that all of life's difficult questions can be answered by observing and contemplating nature. Thank you.

Survivin

Today is Friday and I am feeling better. I have on a cute outfit with my black and pink nikes. I have a laptop so I can escape the office and work somewhere else if necessary. I'm drinkin some good coffee. Plus, I am still on a shopping high from buying new Nike Dunks at WISH last night. It's the little things that help us get by. I'm happy for that.


New Shoes:



















Shoes I want:

Strugglin

"What does it profit a man if he gain the whole word and suffer the loss of his own soul?" (Matthew 16:26).

Jesus said that. Last night I was thinking about Jesus. I was thinking that I don't really know Jesus that well. Not on some fundamentalist Christian, "Do you know the Lord Jesus as your personal savior" rhetoric. I mean other than the stories of Jesus that are in the New Testament. I want to know how Jesus laughed. I want to know if He liked music. I want to know what He was doing at 26. Where was He? Did He fall in love with His soulmate and the have to leave them to save the world? Did He dance and experiment? Did He cry or play or party it up? I want to know how Jesus handled His 20's? How did He live with the duality of knowledge that He would save the world, but wasn't yet ready.

I was thinking about Jesus because I wanted a model for handling what I've been feeling lately. Right now my heart is broken. My relationship with my soulmate is over. I have ignored my broken heart, distracting myself with work and girls and money and chaotic living. Yesterday my broken heart brought me down. I cried until I threw up while on the phone with the one person I shouldn't be calling, the one person that could make it better. I went to bed alone and cried so hard I thought I was having convulsions. I called to God over and over and over. I thought of my ancestors, my guides, my higher self. I finally let myself be calmed in the knowledge that there is love for me in this world and beyond. That this moment will pass. I saw my devastation from a divine perception. I thought of myself as 3 year old, tortured by the loss of a cookie or something small. I saw myself flipping out, feeling pain and anguish and turmoil in something that in larger picture of my life will one day just be a memory. I told myself that I just did not have the tools to deal with this pain. But by dealing with this pain, I was gaining my tools. So tomorrows pain will be more bearable, as will the next day and the next. Just as children need us to teach them to deal with their emotions. I rested in the knowledge that I was being taught the same lesson. I am not alone. I am always surrounded. I am always protected. I am always learning.