Checkin for Signs

[I just saw "V for Vendetta" at the theater. Take home message number one: there are no coincidences.]

1. Exactly six months ago today I wrote about "Letting Go, and Letting God." I discussed my fear of faith, and my young adult attempts to distance myself from my the Christianity of my childhood, and finally trusting the universe to have my back if I started walking not by sight.

2. The flood (on the 6th day of July) that washed away my car last year took with it the Bible of my adolescence. The purple one with my name engraved in gold letters. I did not buy a new Bible until today. While on the Bible aisle, I was grabbed by a book called "Stealing Jesus: How Fundmentalism Betrays Christianity." Of course I purchased it, even though it was outside of my budget.

3. Tonight I am planning my first trip to Bible Study (first like ever in life).

4. I have recently allowed myself to be open with a woman who is a Converative Christian Republican. She believes that everything that does not "glorify God" is satanic. This includes, but is not limited to : yoga, all forms of meditation that are not on the Word, Unitarianism, Humanism, Target, Harry Potter, astrology, and even Cabbage Patch dolls. Needless to say we disagree regularly, and more so now as this season of our friendship seems to be ending.

5. I am on my moon cycle. Poo and I have been dreaming of each other every night. We hadn't talked in weeks, but in a brief conversation a week or so ago, we discovered that both of our periods had gone missing. Just disappeared, like they ran off together or something. Monday night, we spent over an hour on the phone going through the range of emotions. Tuesday, we both got our cycles.

6. My mother called today to tell me about a dream she had where I was sick. She saw me as I was in my preschool class photo, when I had a stomach virus. She was worried about me and thought I needed something.


I don't know what all this means. I do know that I am watching the signs. I know that this is an important moment in my life. I have decided to live it with the fullness and honor it deserves. I will love freely, live outside of my fears, take giant leaps of faith, and prepare myself to welcome this moment with wide-open arms.

"Light hits my window and I am waiting..."

Dancin

I am not alone/a night I see a light like my own/and it is not all blues/ there is peace in heaven's womb/so please don't be confused/ about my friend/my friend the moon.

I am not afraid/the path I'm on/ is one that I have made/reflections of the sun/make stellar flowers bloom/ I listen for their drum/and dance with my friend the moon.

-Fertile Ground, "My Friend the Moon"
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I went to Cherry last night with my little sister Sunshine. Being single in the club sucks unless you are confident enough to ask someone to dance. In my 25 years of life, I don't think I have ever asked a woman that I do not know to dance with me. Last night was no exception. But, I love to shake my money maker. So when the DJ switched to reggae, I went to the front of the dance floor and danced alone. I started shyly, with my hands in my pockets and my eyes closed to block out all the partnered ladies grinding on each other. As I got more comfortable, I found my hands above my head and my body swaying to beat. It was fun! I was not dancing to get close to a woman so I could get her number. I was not trying to show off my fancy foot-work to the lovely ladies. I was just dancing- with the beat, with the dj, with the lights, with the energy of the room, with the warm night air, with my dreams, with the life that exists on the other side of my eyelids, with my own divinity- just dancing with myself.

Starting my own company feels kinda like that. I am as nervous as a 14 year-old boy at the school dance, walking up to the coolest girl in school to ask her to dance. Everybody is watching, everybody knows what I am doing, and I am scared shitless. If I fail, will everyone laugh at me or will they pat me on the back for taking on such a big risk. I guess I am learning that the most important lesson is to just do my dance. The dance may be alone or with the girl; the biggest thing is to step outside of my fears to do what I really want to do. Right now, I just want to dance...